When They Go

Well, this is it.

My last post. Maybe for good on this blog.

Two Month Update



 

 

Looking back over the past two months, I see what a labor of love this is. To emotionally birth a child into our family. There is pain and a time when you feel that this is "the end", you can't take any more.
But God's grace. He never gives us more than we can handle.
There's a song on the radio recently that says, "This is gonna make you stronger." If you want to hear it, you can go here -
YouTube Mandisa - Stronger
God gives us the strength we need at the time we need it.
And God gave an 8 year old boy courage to leave everything familiar and start a new life with a new family away from his birth siblings. He gave a couple in their 50's courage to take in a boy they barely knew. He gave two children raised in a Christian home enough trust to want to help a boy "from the world".
At times, that 8 year old boy wished that he could run back to the familiar. At times, the couple wondered what they had gotten themselves into. At times, the two children wanted to "send him back".
But, then God's grace comes in again. The boy becomes more comfortable. The couple finds new strength and encouragement. The children learn how to relate to each other better.

He's Here!

One week ago today, we had just gotten home with our boy. It really seemed so natural. We had a good ride home. He slept part of the time.
When we got home Hannah and Josiah were there to greet us and welcome their new brother. It was late, so we got him ready for bed, said prayers and tucked him in.
The week has been a whirlwind of getting him registered for school, paperwork, meetings with Bethany Christian Services, appointments with doctors, and just adjusting.
In the midst of all of the hard work or parenting a child from hard places, we have had time for fun - a sleeping bag party in the den, personalizing a wall in the room he shares with Josiah, and getting his first pet (a fire-belly toad).
There's also been some shopping done for clothes and shoes.
Pray for him and our family as we try to rebuild the trust that has been lost. To some extent he trusts us and is glad that he is here, but there is still a lot of anxiety in his life. He goes back and forth from feeling a part of the family to feeling an outcast. We pray that he will find stability here.

A New Plan

It's been a month since my last post.

On Wednesday of this week, we got a call from our adoption specialist at Bethany. She had news that we had been waiting for, but weren't expecting this soon, if ever.

The State has made the decision to split the sibling group. Three of them are being adopted by their foster parents. One is going to a group home. One is available for us to adopt.
We had told them that in the event that they did a split, we would consider the younger two. I figured it was unlikely that we would get the 3 year old since he and his sister are very much loved by their foster parents (who have graciously taken in one of the other boys as well). Maybe there was a slight chance for the 8 year old, but I had turned it totally over to God, because it had hurt so much when we took him back that chilly day in December to what I considered a dismal existance.

Change of Plans?

The children came for their second weekend stay at our home on the 14th. We did fun things with them like ride bikes, and gave them some gifts that were donated. We also went to a party that Bethany Christian Services had for children in foster care.
I wish I could say that things went better this time than last. Some things did. I had everyone bathed and in bed by 9:30. We were able to do our devotional and light our Hannukah candles. No one was seriously hurt, although one fell from his bike and got some scrapes on his shoulder. Mealtimes were a bit more orderly.
But overall, we were left with the hard realization that we could not move forward with this many kids. It was just going to be too much. As much as we wanted it to work, we saw that I would not have the time to give each one the attention they needed to change some of their behaviors. Most of my time was spent with the two youngest as they navigated to me. Theron helped tremendously with the others, but what would I do when he's not here?
We were very sad as we took the children back to their foster parents as planned, knowing that we probably would not see them again. We have had to tell our adoption specialist at Bethany, the case worker, the foster parents, and their therapist that we cannot move forward.
We can only pray now that God has a better plan for these 5.

Welcoming Them In

Last weekend was our first time having the 5 with us for the weekend.
It started with a bang or should I say a bump. Before the case worker had even left the house and while I was talking to our adoption specialist from Bethany with my back to him, the 3 year old fell at the bottom of the stairs going from the kitchen to the den and hit his eyebrow on the corner of the end table.
It was determined that he should have stitches, so off we go!
Later, I was told that I handled myself well in that situation. I am just so thankful that it was not any worse than 3 stitches and once it was over, the little guy was up and at 'em again without a worry.
We have since moved the offending table to a safer spot and put corner guards on it.
He seems to handle the stairs well, but his big sister mentioned that he likes to jump from the last step at his foster home and perhaps being unfamiliar with our home, did that, thus resulting in his mishap.
But for the rest of the weekend I was over-diligent and cautious about his activity around the stairs. We made him hold a hand or go down on his bottom every time.
Little ones need a hand to hold anyway.

 

 

I must say that our first visit with them in our home was a time of learning and adjusting. But these trials only make us stronger and pull us together as a family. When we are weak, He is strong.

 

 

Our First Two Visits

Other than coughing, everyone is well now. We were thankful that we were able to make our first visit on Saturday November 24th.
We met the children and one of their workers at ChikfilA in NW GA. We also met one of the foster dads. Everyone had a snack before we loaded up the van with seven kids and Ms. Dianne, who came to supervise our visit. She had gotten us tickets for the Creative Discoveries Museum. That was our first stop.
It became apparent that we needed to appoint a buddy system with an adult over each group of two or three. It worked well and we kept everyone together better that way. The museum had a lot to offer and it was fun to watch the kids enjoy the different activities. They interacted well with each other and responded well when corrected.
When it was time to go get lunch, they were sad to have to leave, but moved on anyway. We returned to ChikfilA for lunch and then decided to go to a civil war museum. We had decided ahead of time to get them each an inexpensive souveneir of the day, so they each picked out something from the gift shop that was in the price range that we set. That turned out to be the thing most of them like best about their day.
Afterwards, we let them run around outside the museum. There was a big open field where they could get all of their energy out, before we said goodbye to them.
Ms. Dianne felt the visit went really well.
Our second visit was on December 1st. This time we were on our own without the aid of Ms. Dianne. I felt like I was planning for a vacation. I made a picnic lunch, so we could save money. Sorry, ChikfilA. I researched places to go in the area and geocaches to find. We planned to take Little Lady and introduce her to the kids on neutral territory. I researched animal hospitals in the area in case we needed to board here temporarily. A lot of prep work went into the day.
We picked the kids up at their foster homes, so we met the foster parents this time. They were excited to show us their rooms. Then we headed for a park. Before we got there, the youngest had to make a pit stop. McDonald's was chosen and Theron took the boys in. The girls and I stayed in the car. They came back with a "snack" - burgers that they bought with their own money they had gotten from their foster dad.
When we arrived at the park, it was quite rustic, but they had a carousel ride that you don't see much nowadays. The kids all gravitated to that and went for a spin, while I prepared the table for lunch. And, of course, with so many kids I was not without a helper.
We all sat down for lunch, Theron prayed and then swatted gnats away from us. I couldn't believe it was warm enough for pests to join our picnic in December.
After eating, we crunched through leaves on our way to a geocache which was never found. The terrain was hilly and rugged. Roots and rocks hidden under the leaves on the hidden path made going slow. We grew discouraged and had to retreat for refreshment and more spinning.
When we left the park, everyone helped clean up. On the trip back, some grumpiness began, probably due to the tiredness of the passengers and the temperature inside the van. But when we dropped the kids off, they seemed in good spirits and gave us each a hug.
Lady did very well. Several of the kids got to walk her and pet her, but she was not at the point where she would let them hold her.
I took a lot of pictures which hopefully I can share with you some day. Some of you may get to meet them this weekend when they come to our home for a visit.

God's Timing #2

In my last post, I told you that we would see the children on Tuesday.
That was before someone got sick.
Now, we are just praying that all will be well by Saturday.
Although we are disappointed and sad, we realize this is just another opportunity to
trust God.
We sent notes to the kids since we knew we would not see them before Thanksgiving.

We're on our way!

Our meeting with DFCS went well.

Calendars were marked.

Plans made.

Prayers answered.

It was a long ride and a long day,

but we are all excited

about the days ahead.

God blessed us with a beautiful sky on the way home.

I did not get my camera out quick enough to catch it

in it's full glory, but I managed to get this.

 

We will see the children on Tuesday, since they are out of school for Thanksgiving holidays,

and it will be

Hannah and Josiah's first time meeting them.

After that, we will be spending our weekends with them.

Pray for us!

 

 





One Step At A Time

The day of the adoption party was a beautiful day. The air was fresh and clear and the sun was shining. I felt totally at peace and ready to meet these children we had been told about.

 

We arrived before the children, got signed in and tagged, and walked around the quaint farmyard.

 

 

We chatted with some people we had met before, then the supervisor for the children introduced herself and told us that they were on the way. We had been told that only 4 of the 5 children could come, but Theron had prayed that they would all be able to come.
Next thing I knew, Theron said, "They're here!" and there they were . . . all 5 of them. They were all together and just seemed like normal kids. They got signed in and got hot chocolate. I guess it was a bit chilly. Then we eased into talking to them and joining them in games of duck racing, bean bag tossing, and watching the animals. Then we were invited to go on a hay ride.
It was wonderful to see how they interacted with each other and talked freely with us. After the hay ride, they looked for pennies in a hay pile, then we went to launch pumpkins across a field. The boys really enjoyed that. There was talk of going through the corn maze, but then they called us to eat pizza, and then there was face painting and pumpkin painting. So much to do!
Before we knew it, our time was up and we hated to go. I really enjoyed spending time with each of them. I admired how the oldest one helped and held the youngest. I enjoyed some quiet introspective time with the lanky one petting the Great Pyrenees, a gentle giant on the farm. I marveled at the girl who was at the center, but not the center of attention. I was entertained by the one who would be my son's twin (he even talked as much). And lastly, I was charmed by the sweet toddler who put his hand in mine and melted my heart with a hug.
We said goodbye and in our hearts we hope to meet them again. We pray and wait for God to direct our steps.
. . .
We have met with our adoption specialist and gone over the children's family history and initial assessments. We prayed more.
. . .
And now we await a meeting with DFCS to go over the children's updated information and then possible visitation with the children.

Is This It?

After waiting for 2 + years, we have been SELECTED by the case worker for a sibling group. This does not mean it's a match, but at least the case worker thinks there is a good possibility.
We are praying and waiting on God to lead us.
On Saturday, November 3rd, we will get to meet them at an adoption event.
Pray.
1. That God will prepare our hearts for a "yes" or a "no".
2. That we will see the kids' true personalities.
3. That we will hear God's voice on whether to proceed further after this first informal meeting.
4. That if we are not a match for them, that God would have another family for them soon.

Fun and Games

I haven't posted in a while. But we HAVE been doing adoption related things. The past few months have been loaded with what's called Adoption Parties. A funny name, I think, simply because it sounds to me like something that celebrates adoption or the fact that children have found a place to call home. Now that might be something to celebrate.

But sadly, that is not at all what these events are about. In a nutshell, it is an event that takes place at a location where kids in foster care can come and have fun. At the same time, families looking to adopt come to meet them and hopefully help them have fun. If families are interested in certain children in attendance, the case workers will make sure that they get to spend some time together. It's a good way to meet the children and get a feel for their personality. We are given a list of do's and don'ts for communicating with them as well as a list showing names, ages, interests, and their case worker's name.

The kids, at least the ones old enough to know, are checking us out, too. I wonder what's going through their minds. Some are afraid to look at you, afraid to hope, or just afraid. That's the sad part. But we try to draw them out, help them relax and enjoy being a kid, having fun, playing games.

We leave Hannah and Josiah with a sitter. They cannot help with this part of the search. We pray, Lord, may we somehow bless these children who come to the event with some joy. And may You help the case workers to find good homes for them.

Family fliers are passed out to all of the case workers. We meet case workers. We talk to them and they tell us what they know about the children under their supervision. Before we leave, we are asked to fill out a form to let them know if we met any children for whom we are interested in submitting our home study. We have yet to meet our match, even though there have been some that we thought were possibilities. We just have to leave that up to God.

(The pictures, with the exception of the first, are of our flier, which Theron lovingly designed. It's actually a relatively new thing that the case workers like to have. Don't know who came up with the idea, but it helps them to remember us. They say a picture is worth a thousand words.)

Empowered to Connect

I just found out about Karyn Purvis and have added her website to my list on the right. She has some great insights and I am enjoying listening to the audios or watching the videos of her speaking about the topic of adoption. I'm thankful that God has given us more time to learn and grow.
At Hand in Hand (an adoption support group) on Friday, we watched one of her full length videos on KIds from Hard Places. It showed how she works with these kids at a camp especially for them. Wow!

The Journey Continues

. . . and gets more exciting.

We got a call last week about a sibling group. Could this be it?
Besides trusting God, there were alot of things that needed to happen around here if that were a possibility. They were wanting to get them placed within a week.
The trundle beds had to be finished with drawers in place. The garage cleaned up and alot of clutter removed. Messes organized. Whew! We were tired. We had let some of these things slip, because "Hey, it's been almost 2 years." Not that I'm complaining. I am trusting in God's perfect timing.

Hannah and Josiah were very excited about the possiblility of having a little brother and little sister.
We did alot of praying and waiting.
Finally we heard that the state was going to try to place them with the grandmother.
Disappointment mixed with relief.
Okay, now we are at least a bit more prepared than we were before.
Which is a good thing, since we were just notified of another sibling group that just became free for adoption with no legal risk.

Bethany Support Group

Dashing the through the snow in a . . .

well, not really, . . .

we were rolling slowly down the interstate
to a Bethany Christian Services Support Group meeting.
Traffic was crawling, because of all of the people headed to the mall
for "Christmas" shopping.
We arrived just in time, thanks to my husband's wisdom in leaving the house
early.
Pizza and childcare provided and a cookie swap. Since this meeting was open to
families who were still waiting to have children placed in their homes, we thought it
would be good to show our faces and earn an hour of credits to add to our file.
As it turns out, we were not alone. All but one family that came were waiting families,
just like us. We all enjoyed hearing that one family's story of placement and upcoming
adoption, and shared our own stories of disappointment, waiting, frustrations with the
system. For some reason it's encouraging to know that we are not the only ones in this phase,
but still I am inpressed with the importance of trusting God in all things.

Josiah's craft

Two other families also had biological children. They were all so well behaved that it drew
compliments from an older couple who were there. "You parents must be doing something
right." It's good to hear those things. While the adults talked, the kids watched "The Grinch
Who Stole Christmas" and made a craft.

Hannah's craft

We came away full of cookies and encouragement enough to last us awhile.

Will We Ever Adopt?

After waiting for a year, it starts to get discouraging. You wonder, where are all of those kids that they said needed a home?
Why is it taking so long?
Have we been rejected?
Are we not good candidates?
I did yell at young ones the other day.
I did despair over a sibling squabble.
I did compare my family to those of others, . . .
and mine didn't measure up.

Well, the truth is that there are kids that need a forever home and there are families that are waiting.
The truth is that social workers are trying to match kids with just the right families (at least I believe this to be true) and it's a tough job.
The truth is that God is in control, and it's not about us, it's about His will and what's best for the children who are searching for that place to be loved and safe.
The truth is, I can pray for those on the waiting list, in foster homes, and those still crying out for help.

I will wait upon the Lord.

Another Emma Book

While at the library today looking for books for a young reader, I found a book that looked slightly familiar. I immediately recognized the characters on the cover as Max and Emma from Emma's Strange Pet . You can probably just scroll down and see that book on a previous post.

new find

 If I had not read the other book about Max and Emma, I would not have given this book a second glance. Who would want to read a book about a yucky brother. Maybe they should have chosen a different name. I don't know.
Instead of being about a "yucky brother", it is more about the feelings possibly encountered by children where a new sibling is adopted. At first Emma is excited and thinks it will be wonderful, but her new little brother is not all "sugar and spice and everything nice" and it takes them a while to work out their relationship. Another sweet ending of course!

This may be the first in the series since it is the first time Emma meets Max. He comes for a few visits and then comes to stay. Very touching.

New Picture and Verse

As I was adding our new picture, I noticed that part of the verse I had put at the top was being cut off. I fixed it as I thought about how this very verse is the one Josiah has been memorizing this past week. And I pondered why I chose it for this blog.
Our whole life in Christ is about trust. If we believe in Him, we will trust Him.
We do not understand, so we must lean on Him.
We must confess that without Him, we have no hope.
Unless we keep our eyes on Him, our path will be wavering.

Though the waiting seems long, I will trust in Him.

Surprise in a Book

Found this book at the library and thought the kids would like it, since Josiah has been into reptiles lately. In it I found a surprise. The little boy in the book is four and he is adopted. The book doesn't specifically deal with adoption. It's more about sibling relationships and I think any child would enjoy it. In the story, Emma gets an anole for a pet, because she is allergic to furry animals. In the beginning, her brother thinks that any non-furry pet is strange, but later makes an interesting observation and connection with this "strange" pet. And Emma, at first accusing, turns around and does something to build the relationship with her new sibling.

We recently went to the pet store and saw anoles, but we're happy with our frogs and toads for now.

What is Adoption?

Just read this in my Family Homeschool Planner, The Well-Planned Day.
It's the weekly catechism.

Q. What is adoption?

A. Adoption is an act of God's free grace, whereby we are received into the number and have a right to all the privileges of the sons of God.